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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27664981">Not Equal To</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WiseDawn13/pseuds/WiseDawn13'>WiseDawn13</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Avatar: The Last Airbender References, Big Brother Sokka (Avatar), Fluff and Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Uncle, M/M, Minor Aang/Katara, Minor Character Death, Minor Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar), Ozai is a douche-cannoe, Past Sokka/Suki (Avatar), The Jasmine Dragon (Avatar), Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, minor Azula, minor abuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:41:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,016</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27664981</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WiseDawn13/pseuds/WiseDawn13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Zuko lay staring at the ceiling while Sokka lay peacefully beside him. Is this real? Zuko thought. He heard Sokka moan softly in his sleep and felt him turn over to face him. Sokka’s arm draped over Zuko and his whole body tensed. I have to get out of here.</p><p>Or<br/>Zuko doesn't think he's good enough for Sokka.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Left Behind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi, this is my very first fanfiction and I am really excited about it! I have no idea where I plan to go, I'm going on this journey much the same as you are. I literally just wrote the first line and more lines kept following. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! :D</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Zuko lay staring at the ceiling while Sokka lay peacefully beside him. <em>Is this real? </em>Zuko thought. He heard Sokka moan softly in his sleep and felt him turn over to face him. Sokka’s arm draped over Zuko and his whole body tensed. <em>I have to get out of here.</em></p>
<p>He slowly began to slide out from under Sokka’s grasp, scooting to the edge of the bed. When he freed himself, he sat up, placing his feet on the cool ground, and took a deep breath. <em>Shit. </em>He looked back at Sokka, taking in all the details of the sleeping boys. Hair down, falling so nicely on the pillow, looking so serene. <em>How can he look so damn good without even trying? </em>Zuko groaned and put his face in his hands before slowly getting up, grabbing his clothes – he was only wearing his underwear – and heading out the door.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry Sokka,” he said under his breath. Then he was gone.</p>
<p>≠</p>
<p>Sokka was shivering when he woke up. He reached around the bed looking for the warm body he fell asleep beside, the warm body of the man he’d begun to love, but all he found was an empty bed. “Zuko?” It came out of him quietly, his voice soft and raspy from sleep. He forced his eyes open and looked at the empty space beside him. “Zuko?” He said again, louder this time, sitting up and looking around the room. <em>He left?</em> Sokka let out a sigh, falling back onto the bed. He ran a hand through his hair.</p>
<p>He lay there for another 10 minutes thinking over the events of last night – the way Zuko’s eyes looked in the moonlight, the feel of Zuko’s body on his, the way Zuko smiled when he kissed his neck – before finally getting out of bed and getting dressed for the day.</p>
<p>By the time he left the room, it was almost noon. He walked out to find Katara sitting at the little table they have in their apartment. She was reading a book and eating some grilled cheese with bacon. Sokka’s mouth started to water.</p>
<p>“I made you two grilled cheese,” she said without looking up from her book, “with extra bacon.”</p>
<p><em>I have the best sister in the world.</em> Sokka thought as he ran over to hug her and kiss her on the cheek aggressively. “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!” Sokka said between kisses.</p>
<p>“You’re disgusting, get off of me!” Katara shoved him away with a hint of a smile and Sokka grabbed his two glorious sandwiches and sat down across from his sister. The first bite was like heaven, he almost forgot about waking up alone until Katara shattered the bliss by saying “so did you have a good night?”</p>
<p>He stopped chewing for a moment, remembering the night and then the morning. <em>Last night was amazing, but does that matter now? </em>“Yeah, it was good.” He looked down and sighed.</p>
<p>That made Katara looked at him quizzically, so he forced a smile and took another big bite of the sandwich in his hand. He moaned at how good it was and that made his sister roll her eyes. They sat in silence for a while, just doing their things. Sokka looked around the small apartment they share, and his eyes fell on a group shot from a few years ago of him, Katara, Zuko, Aang, Toph, and Suki. <em>Damn... time flies. </em></p>
<p>“How’s Aang?”</p>
<p>Katara looked up from her book trying to fight a smile and failing. “He’s good. How’s Zuko?”</p>
<p><em>Well shit… I thought she would’ve talked about him more. </em>“Wouldn’t know.” He said and took another bite.</p>
<p>Katara looked confused at that comment. “Wasn’t he over last night?” Sokka nodded slowly. “Then why wouldn’t you know?”</p>
<p>“He left while I was asleep without saying anything. I don’t know.” He groaned and picked at the small woven placemat under his plate.</p>
<p>Katara watched him for a moment. “Why don’t you just send him a text?”</p>
<p><em>Oh. </em>Sokka hesitated, “I don’t know. It feels kind of needy.”</p>
<p>“Oh my god, shut up and text him,” Katara rolled her eyes. “You obviously want to talk to him and-”</p>
<p>“Well he obviously doesn’t want to talk to me.” They made eye contact. “I mean, he’s busy. Got stuff to do. I’m busy. I have…a thing today.” Katara just stared at him blankly, she opened her mouth to say something but before she could get a word out Sokka stood up; grabbed his keys, wallet, phone, and earbuds; and walked out the door.</p>
<p>Sokka in fact had nothing to do today, it was his day off and he had no plans. He just needed to get out of the cramped 2-bedroom apartment he shares with his sister and to get away from the thought of Zuko. <em>Zuko…</em> <em>What is it with that guy? He’s just so… NO!</em> Sokka shook his head and put in his wireless earbuds and pressed play on his Spotify playlist. Blood // Water by grandson started playing and he jammed out to that as he walked aimlessly down the street.</p>
<p>By the time he realized where he was walking, he was already there. The Jasmine Dragon. Uncle Iroh’s tea shop… Zuko’s tea shop. He could see Zuko inside behind the counter. He wasn’t facing the door so he couldn’t see Sokka. <em>Shit.</em> Sokka quickly turned around and walked towards his gym.</p>
<p>He went into the changing room, found his locker, and changed. <em>Just a quick work out today, I think Suki is working too. I could really use a chat with good old Suki.</em> He went to warm up on the treadmill.</p>
<p>After 15 minutes he looked around for Suki. He found her at the front desk. “Hey, you have a break anytime soon?”</p>
<p>She lit up when she saw him. “Hey! Yeah, I can take 15 right now?” Sokka nodded so she told the other woman she was working with and went out to the lounge area with Sokka. “What’s up? How have you been? We haven’t talked in like two weeks bro!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, uh sorry. I’ve been meaning to talk to you, but life, you know. Anyway, I’m good. Great even! Just came to work out and figured we should catch up.” Sokka smiled, but he knew it didn’t reach his eyes.</p>
<p>“Is it about Zuko?” She could read him like a book. “Talk to me Sokka.”</p>
<p><em>Where do I even start? </em>“I just- He’s so damn hot and I like him more than I ever thought I would like anyone,” he paused and looked at Suki awkwardly, she didn’t seem to mind the comment though so he kept going. “I want to be with him Suki, like really be with him. I want to date him, hell I want to court the man. I want him to be mine, but he keeps pulling away. I don’t think he really likes me like that. I don’t know, maybe he’s just using me. We haven’t been able to have a real talk about life and the universe in 2 months! I just…” Sokka deflated. “I just wish he would talk to me.”</p>
<p>Suki hugged Sokka and he melted into it, he didn’t realize how much he needed that. “I get what you’re saying, I do. But I really think you need to find a way to talk to Zuko about it. Set up a time with him to have a real conversation and if he won’t talk,” she looked into his eyes apologetically, “then I think it’s time to let go of him and move on with your life.”</p>
<p>Sokka groaned and wiggled around in his seat. “UGH! Why must you make so much sense while saying such horrible things woman?”</p>
<p>Suki smirked, “It is a blessing and a curse my darling.”</p>
<p>They sat there for the rest of her break talking about little things and what’s new with her (not much since they had last talked) and then she had to go back to work. They hugged and went their separate ways.</p>
<p>≠</p>
<p>“What did you do to Sokka?” Iroh asked suddenly.</p>
<p>Zuko whipped around and looked at the old man. “WHAT!?”</p>
<p>Iroh didn’t even blink at the reaction from Zuko. He just sighed. “I saw the poor boy earlier right outside the store, he didn’t come in like he usually would, he just ran away.”</p>
<p>“Oh…” That was all he could say. <em>Sokka was here? Well, almost here. Maybe I should talk to him… </em></p>
<p>“Zuko, whatever is going on between you and that boy is not really any of my business. But! I do care about you and him a lot, so I want you both to be happy. You can talk to me about anything you know? I am old and have much wisdom to share with you, my nephew.” Iroh took a sip of tea and let out a satisfied sigh. “I make the best tea.”</p>
<p>“Uncle-” Zuko began, but Iroh cut him off by putting his hand up.</p>
<p>“We can talk later if you desire my wisdom, you have a customer to take care of now,” and he walked into the back room. There was no one else in the store.</p>
<p>Zuko exhaled, turning to face the customer and his words got caught in his throat. Sokka had walked in, though he didn’t come up to the counter to order, he lingered back by the entrance. Zuko started towards him.</p>
<p>Sokka was the first to speak, “Hey.” His voice had a sad tension in it.</p>
<p>“Hey.”</p>
<p>“I uh- I just wanted to come by to say-” Sokka stared.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I left this morning without a word.” Zuko blurted.</p>
<p>Sokka looked shocked, “Oh?”</p>
<p>“I- I’m not sure why I did that. I’m sorry. I just got so overwhelmed by everything and I really confused right now.”</p>
<p>“That’s okay… We can talk about it if you want.” Sokka offered. He seemed to relax a little.</p>
<p>“Sure.” They sat down at one of the tables.</p>
<p>“So, what’s going on with you Zuko?” He sounded concerned.</p>
<p><em>His hair’s up, he looks good with it up and down. </em>Sokka was looking at him expectantly. “Oh! Uh, sorry. I- I don’t really know what to say.” Zuko cringed. <em>We’re supposed to be talking but I can’t talk? What is wrong with me? </em></p>
<p>Sokka just nodded slowly and looked down, he was fiddling with his thumbs. <em>I hate seeing him like this, he looks so hurt. Shit. Why am I so stupid? </em></p>
<p>“Look, Sokka. I don’t want to hurt you, and I am really not good at relationship type stuff. I don’t have the best track record.”</p>
<p>Sokka looked Zuko dead in the eye and said, “that’s rough, buddy.” They both cracked up at that. <em>He is so good at relieving tension in the air. Why can’t I let myself like him? I’m not good enough for him, he deserves better than me. But I want him. </em>They stayed there for a couple minutes, just staring into each other’s eyes. Zuko stared into Sokka’s dazzling blue eyes for so long he forgot he was at work until he heard another customer walk in.</p>
<p>“I’ll text you when I’m off work, maybe we can hang out and talk then?” He asked, Sokka nodded and got up to leave. “Wait.” Zuko stood up and grabbed Sokka’s wrist, pulling him in close so he could whisper in his ear, “I like you, ponytail boy.”</p>
<p>“It’s a wolf tail,” Sokka smiled and whispered, “I like you too, scar boy.” Zuko could feel the warmth of Sokka’s breath on his neck, and he shivered. Sokka winked at him and left.</p>
<p>Zuko felt his cheeks heat up as he walked back to the counter to take care of the customer. <em>Maybe I can be enough.</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Vast Unknown</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“So,” Sokka’s low voice rang out, “what do you think about the stars?”<br/>“They’re pretty.”<br/>“Pretty?” He had a slight edge to his tone.<br/>“Yeah?”<br/>“Humph.”<br/>“What?” He mused.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So here is chapter 2! I am posting this sooner than I anticipated xD Hope you guys like it! I have no idea about any of this fic, I have been going along for the ride just as much you have</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“And then-” Aang’s voice rang out in the 2-bedroom apartment filling it with laughter and warmth, “and then, and I swear this on all my past lives, Toph bit the guy!” Everyone cracked up at this. Katara’s head went back and her hand landed on Aang’s forearm causing him to smile even more. Sokka was laughing with his whole body; pure, unadulterated joy. <em>Fuck. His laugh. </em>Zuko was laughing himself, but he was also taking in everything that was happening with his friends around him. His friends…and <em>Sokka.</em></p><p>“She bit him?” Sokka asked between heavy breaths. “Like…” He grabbed Katara’s left arm and bit it.</p><p>“Hey!” Katara exclaimed and punched him in the shoulder. Aang and Zuko both lost it, the laughter turning into painful stabs in Zuko’s sides and back. Sokka turned away from Katara, looking him dead in the eyes. His expression was serious now, but the kind of serious that says I really like you. <em>Shit. </em>That sobered him up quick.</p><p>There was a silent conversation between them, their eyes locked. Sokka gestured to the door with his head; Zuko felt himself nod before he thought to do it. Aang and Katara were still laughing, but all he could hear was the sound of his own heartbeat and the usual bombardment of thoughts in his head was silent as he stared into the vast ocean that was Sokka’s eyes.</p><p>He felt like he was gone from his body, floating in the vast sea staring back at him, while simultaneously being more in his body than he’d ever felt. He watched as Sokka stood up, grabbing Zuko’s right hand, gently pulling him to standing. Sokka turned around and started walking towards the door, Zuko trailing behind him like an expectant puppy. “We’re going for a walk,” Sokka said back to Aang and Katara’s general direction.</p><p>“Okay, be careful!” Katara called after them.</p><p>“Use protection!” Sokka quipped and Zuko turned around to see Katara turn red, but not nearly as red as Aang was. His whole head turned a bright red and he sunk down into his chair a little bit. Then they were out the door.</p><p>≠</p><p>“I can’t believe you said that.” They had walked 3 blocks before Zuko finally spoke. “You should’ve seen the look on poor Aang’s face!” He laughed a deep laugh that made Sokka feel a bit warmer.</p><p>“What can I say, I love to tease the kid.” Sokka turned to face Zuko, stopping in front of a McDonald’s. “Plus, he’s dating my little sister. The more uncomfortable I can make him about that, the better.” <em>I’d rather not think about her having any sort of relations, but she’s an adult, so I’ll torture the kid a little. </em>He thought to himself, smirking. Zuko just looked at him quizzically. <em>How can someone look so damn cute?</em> “Come on, I’m starving!” He dragged Zuko into the McDonald’s by the hand.</p><p>The fluorescent lights were harsh, making Sokka squint. “What do you want? I’m buying.” He turned to look at the man attached to his hand, but when Zuko met his eyes they both paused for a moment. Zuko’s mouth was hanging open ever so slightly. Sokka had to take a deep breath before he gave Zuko an expectant look.</p><p>Zuko just blinked and said, “Huh?” A strand of long, dark hair had fallen out of his topknot and into his face.</p><p>Sokka giggled, reaching to tuck the hair behind Zuko’s ear and repeated what he had said. He saw blush form on Zuko’s cheeks. They ended up ordering 20 nuggets, two big mac combos with pop, and a cheeseburger happy meal for the toy. They chose to take it to go, and they headed down to the waterfront.</p><p>Once they got there Zuko let go of Sokka’s hand and ran to find his favourite spot near the big oak tree. He sat down on the edge of the dock, legs dangling over the edge just barely missing the inky water below. Zuko turned to him and smiled, eagerly patting the dock on his right side. <em>I fucking love this guy… I wish I could tell him. </em>He smiled and sat down beside Zuko, thighs touching as their legs dangled. Zuko scootched over so their hips and shoulders touched as they stared over the lake.</p><p>Sokka passed Zuko his big mac meal and gave him 12 of the nuggets, then put his left arm around Zuko pulling him in tight. They leaned their heads against each other, breathing in the cool breeze from the lake before Sokka pressed a kiss to Zuko’s temple and went back to sitting upright. He needed both arms to eat.</p><p>They ate in silence, letting the light buzz they were feeling wash over them, just looking out over the lake and watching the stars twinkle in the reflections on the water. When they were both done Sokka held out his hand, “I’ll take your trash.” Zuko handed him the empty bag and cup. Sokka got up with a grunt and threw out the trash. He almost fell over when he made it back, so he used Zuko as a support while sitting down again.</p><p>They laughed and laid back on the dock, legs still over the edge. He felt Zuko reaching for his hand, so he interlaced their fingers. Sokka had the happy meal toy car in his right hand and was rolling it over his chest and stomach. He felt Zuko laugh more than he heard it. Sokka’s car made its way down his left arm, up Zuko’s right, and onto Zuko’s chest. Sokka was making little revving noises and he moved the car over Zuko. Back and forth across his chest, down his abdomen, stopping right above his pants, then slowly back up towards his neck.</p><p>“Sokka…” barely a whisper.</p><p>“Yeah?” He looked up to meet rich, gold eyes. Eye’s that have been through hell and back. Eyes that are no longer twins as the burn scar around the left one dwarfed it in comparison. But that only made Zuko’s eyes, Zuko’s face, Zuko more beautiful and compelling.</p><p>“Kiss m-” Sokka kissed him before he could finish what he was saying.</p><p>≠</p><p>Sokka stayed on Zuko’s lips for what felt like an eternity, yet not long enough. <em>He’s a good kisser, and his lips are so soft. I wish I could curl up and get lost in his kiss forever. Then I wouldn’t have to deal with--</em></p><p>“Hmm.” Sokka moaned softly as he lay back down, almost sounding like a question and Zuko was afraid he’d just said that out loud. When he looked over at him, all he saw was an adorable man with an adorable smile looking at the night sky. Zuko stayed like that, taking in all the details of Sokka’s profile. He felt good, really good, for the first time in a long time. He always felt the best when he was with Sokka, but that feeling tended to be overshadowed by anxiety, fear, and doubt. Zuko could feel the twisted-up ball of fear and doubt start to grow in the pit of his stomach. <em>Don’t let those thoughts in, focus on Sokka here and now. Breathe. </em>He forced himself to take a few deep, grounding breaths. Sokka glanced at him, a concerned look in his eyes. Zuko just shook his head slightly and turned to look at the sky. Sokka gave his hand a small squeeze, he was grateful for that comfort. He knew it was Sokka telling him that he can talk to him about anything anytime, just not in so many words.</p><p>Out of the corner of his good eye, he saw Sokka raise his arm and point to the sky, “look at all those chickens!” He said it in a cute voice, trying his best to replicate the voice of the little girl in the video. Zuko laughed, letting go of Sokka’s hand to hit him on the stomach and Sokka curled in feigned pain. He knew it wouldn’t hurt him, he just wanted to feel his abs.</p><p>They held hands again, fingers interlaced, thumbs rubbing gentle circles on each others’ hands. Sokka has put the car in his pocket and rested his free hand under his head, wolf tail just grazing the ground. Zuko’s free hand was fidgeting with his pant leg. His topknot had been slowly coming undone throughout the night, so he reached up and pulled the elastic free. His dark brown hair flowed out and landed sprawled on the dock above his head like roots of a tree.</p><p>“So,” Sokka’s low voice rang out, “what do you think about the stars?”</p><p>“They’re pretty.”</p><p>“Pretty?” He had a slight edge to his tone.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Humph.”</p><p>“What?” He mused. Sokka looked at him, Zuko meeting his eyes. He just shook his head and turned back to look at the sky. “What?” He pressed.</p><p>“Nothing.”</p><p>“Dude, it’s obviously not nothing.”</p><p>That got a reaction out of Sokka, “Dude?” Zuko smirked. “DUDE!?”</p><p>“Yeah, what of it?”</p><p>“Okay bro,” Sokka mocked, putting a lot of weight behind ‘bro’. “Well, you called the stars pretty. They are so much more than <em>just pretty</em>. They—They’re so much more that than.” He faltered.</p><p>Zuko smiled, “They’re brilliant.” He turned to look at Sokka who was still watching the sky with a longing look in his blue eyes.</p><p>“Better, but still not right. I don’t know what it is, but they are so much more than I can put into words. They are strong yet soft, radiant yet obscure. They’re mysterious and old, they tell stories just waiting for the right person to hear. They give life and hope, brightening even the darkest of nights. Holding knowledge that will never be ours, parts of systems that we will never see. They bring hope.” He sighed. “They are more than we can ever know.”</p><p><em>Damn, he’s cute when he’s passionate. </em>Zuko thought to himself, smiling. “Wow.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Time passed quickly as they lay there, Zuko watching Sokka, Sokka watching the sky. Sokka’s phone started to buzz and that broke the quiet bliss they had been living in.</p><p>Sokka groaned and answered the phone. “Yeah?” Zuko couldn’t hear who was on the other line at all, all he could hear was Sokka’s breath; and he could feel the reverberations of the bass in Sokka’s voice as it moved along the dock and through his body making him quiver. “Oh shit, really?” Sokka pulled his phone back to look at the screen before bringing it back to his ear and laughed. Zuko saw the call was from Katara. “No, yeah, we’re coming back. Just lost track of time. Okay, love you too, <em>mom!</em>” Zuko could hear Katara start to say something when Sokka ended the call.</p><p>“What time is it?”</p><p>“Almost 3 am, we’ve been here for over 2 hours.” <em>Damn, felt like 10 minutes. </em>“Let’s head back before Mom-tara grounds us.” He said as he stood up, holding out his hands for Zuko to grab. He obliged, giving over his hands to Sokka. Sokka pulled Zuko to standing and placed a kiss on his forehead. Zuko felt the warmth of the kiss wash over him. “You’ll stay the night, right?” The words were caught in his throat, so he just nodded. “The whole night this time?” Blue eyes staring at him intently. Nod again. “Promise?”</p><p>Zuko managed a small smile and kissed Sokka on the lips, moving towards his right ear. “I promise,” he whispered. He felt Sokka shiver slightly at that. <em>Good. </em></p><p>Sokka offered Zuko one of his wireless earbuds, he put it in his right ear. Sokka put in the other, went into Spotify, and scrolled until he found a song he liked. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen started to play. They walked back to Sokka’s place, listening to music, hands intertwined the whole way.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Check out my tumblr zuko-the-turtleduck. </p><p>Kudos and comments welcome! :) &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Flicker</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Pretty nice night, huh?” This time the duck quacked. The smile came easier to him this time. “Have you ever had a panic attack? Probably not… I mean, you’re a duck. But who am I to determine the complexity of a duck’s emotional understanding?” The duck quacked again.</p>
<p>or<br/>Zuko has panic attacks and talks to a duck while Sokka searches for him.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay, so this chapter is more angsty than the previous two (hehe) and also a bit longer as well! <br/>Thank you to all who've read this and a huge thank you for the lovely comments (Vee) :D</p>
<p>(CW at end notes)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>A man stood towering in front of him. Long dark hair falling down his back and a long soul patch of a beard shaped like a knife. The man was 8 feet tall, glaring down at Zuko with fiery eyes. Zuko could feel the heat of a roaring fire growing around him, slowly creeping in, devouring everything in its path. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Zuko couldn’t move his head or body, he was frozen amid the heat. He could feel anxiety growing heavy inside him, scraping its way through his body. Zuko knew he was showing fear… He can’t show fear… Never show fear….</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Too late. The man saw the fear in his eyes and began to laugh. It was a deep, all-encompassing laugh that made Zuko shrink into himself, anxiety pulling him inside.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The fire sped up, closing in on him, a giant circular wall of fire. It moved past the man, encompassing him in the flames but doing no harm to him. Zuko could see the man’s silhouette grow larger behind the blaze. Or maybe he was shrinking.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>A hand reaching out. Fire moving in. Eyes moving frantically. The hand reaches the left side of his face. Fire touching—</em>
</p>
<p>Zuko shot straight up, gasping for air, and clutching his chest. He reaches up to touch the scar that covers most of the left side of his face. His breathing fast and fractured.</p>
<p>Sokka stirred beside him, coming out of his slumber and quickly realizes Zuko is hyperventilating. “Hey. Hey,” he consoles. “It’s alright. You’re okay. Breathe.” He took a deep breath and Zuko did his best to follow suit. “Was it your dad again?” He nodded slowly, choking on his breath. “He can’t hurt you, you’re with me now. And if he comes near you, I’ll beat his ass.” Sokka kissed him on the temple and caressed his scar. “I’ll never let him hurt you again.” There was a sadness that seeped into his voice.</p>
<p>Sokka pulled him to his chest, stroking a hand idly through his hair and pressing kisses to the top of his head in between calming shushes. Zuko was tense, right hand still clutching at his chest, left hand frantically thrown around Sokka, holding him tight. His breath still hitched; throat so tight he felt that if he moved his head it would snap. Sokka held him tight, he’d begun to hum. Zuko is thankful for the calming vibrations.</p>
<p>
  <em>Breathe... Fire. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Breathe…    Father.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Breathe…       Burning.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Breathe…             I’m frozen.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Breathe…        Listen.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Breathe…     Focus.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Breathe… Sokka.</em>
</p>
<p>His breath slowed down, and his throat began to open again. He melted into Sokka. Grounded. He inhaled deeply through his nose, holding it for a moment before slowly exhaling it through his mouth. He repeated that cycle a few more times before he felt he could sit up again, pulling away from Sokka.</p>
<p><em>Shit, I was crying? </em>Sokka’s maroon shirt was soaked with his tears. He looked down, “Sorry about your shirt.”</p>
<p>“Hey, don’t worry about it.” He pulled the shirt over his head and threw it in on the floor beside the bed. <em>Fuck.</em> Zuko was staring, Sokka just smiled. Sokka’s brown skin glowed in the moonlight filtering in through the big picture window. <em>Shit.</em> Zuko met his eyes.</p>
<p>“Okay,” he said weakly. “Thanks.”</p>
<p>“Anytime baby.” <em>Damn. </em>“I’m just glad I could help. I wish you didn’t have to deal with all that shit. If I could go back in time and change what happened I would.”</p>
<p>Zuko half smiled, “But then I wouldn’t be the same person.”</p>
<p>Sokka shrugged. “Maybe so, but I like to think you’d still be mine.” He winked and kissed him. <em>Yours.</em> Zuko sighed and laid back down, resting his head on the soft pillow. Sokka flopped back down, turning to face him propped up on one elbow. Zuko turned to look at him and Sokka placed a kiss on his forehead, then his nose, then on his lips, lingering for each kiss. Sokka wrapped his arms around Zuko, pulling their bodies in close, and rested his forehead on Zuko’s. Zuko fell asleep faster than he expected, Sokka rubbing circles on his back and stroking his hair. <em>This is nice…</em></p>
<p>≠</p>
<p>It was 10 minutes before his shift ended when he got the call. 7:50 pm. Sokka was helping a customer pick out a book of poetry when the girl he was on shift with brought his phone out of the back room.</p>
<p>“They’ve called you five times now,” she breathed.</p>
<p>Sokka took his phone and sees 5 missed calls from Uncle Iroh.<em> Shit. </em>Sokka’s eyes dart from phone to customer to coworker and back to phone. Fear was creeping in bringing thoughts of a million different ways Zuko could be hurt. <em>Or dead.</em> He shook his head. “I need to--” he trailed off looking to his coworker.</p>
<p>She nodded, “I’ll take care of this. Go.”</p>
<p>So, he went into the back room, fumbling to unlock his phone. As soon as he reached the door his phone rang, he picked up immediately. “Iroh?”</p>
<p>“Sokka! Thank god,” he exclaimed through the phone. “It’s Zuko.” Sokka felt his heart drop through the floor.</p>
<p>“Wha—Is he—Is he alrig—”</p>
<p>“He’s missing,” his voice quavered. “Well, not—not missing. He just…”</p>
<p>Sokka’s breath hitched, “What happened?”</p>
<p>“I don’t—He was at work with me, he got a call, so he went into the back to answer. When he didn’t come back after a few minutes I went back to check on him and he was gone.”</p>
<p><em>Damn it Zuko. </em>“Okay,” his voice sounded small. He cleared his throat. “Okay, I’ll uh—I’m getting off work now, I’ll look for him. There are a couple places I think he might be.”</p>
<p>Iroh sighed, “I’m going to reach out to Mai to see if she and Ty Lee can help look for him too.” Sokka could hear a small amount of relief in his voice.</p>
<p>“Good idea, I’ll ask Katara, Aang, and Suki. See if they’re able to help look.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Sokka. I have to stay at the Jasmine Dragon until 9, please let me know if you hear anything.”</p>
<p>“Will do. Zuko will be alright, he’s a tough guy.” Even as it came out, it didn’t lessen the fear gnawing at him. <em>He’ll be alright. He’s alright. He has to be. Needs to be… </em></p>
<p>Sokka called Katara and asked if she and Aang could check for Zuko at the ramen joint they frequent. He asked Suki to check the docks, Toph was hanging out with Suki and insisted she would help look too. She chose to go to the main park and yell around for him near the duck pond. Iroh texted saying Mai and Ty Lee were going to check the cherry blossom park.</p>
<p>Sokka walked a few blocks from his work to a semi-tall building. He walked around back, memories of his time with Zuko here flooding his mind. How they’d snuck around the back and climbed up the fire escape to look over the city. They’d sat on the edge of the building and that’s when Sokka kissed Zuko for the first time.<em> We’ll find him.</em> He reassured himself as his anxiety grew fiercer. He pulled the ladder for the fire escape down and started to climb. When he reached the top, he searched the roof to no avail. Zuko wasn’t here. <em>Fuck.</em></p>
<p>Sokka’s mind started racing and he squatted on the rooftop placing his hands on the ground. His breathing speeding up. <em>No… No… I can’t let myself go there. He’ll be somewhere else. He’ll be okay. We will find him. But… NO! </em>He needed to get up, go look somewhere else, but he was stuck there. <em>I need to calm down. He’s fine. There’s no need to worry. But what if something… NO! But what if… No. </em>Sokka forced himself to take deep breaths. <em>Man, this sucks when you’re alone. I wish Zuko was—</em>His thoughts broke off there as his phone rang. It was Toph. He answered but nothing came out.</p>
<p>“Sokka?” Toph’s voice bringing him back down to earth.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he managed, “did you find him?” He tried to hide the desperation in his voice.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I found him alright.” Sokka sighed. “The dunderhead has been sitting in front of that duck pond he likes so much.”</p>
<p>“Okay, I’m on my way there now. Punch him for me will ya?” Sokka reached the fire escape.</p>
<p>“Way ahead of you, buddy.”</p>
<p>“Alright, see you soon.”</p>
<p>“I won’t, but whatever,” she mocked and ended the call.</p>
<p>Sokka made his way down and started running to the park. Adrenaline pumping through his veins, pushing away all the fear and anxiety that had crept in so quickly. <em>He’s okay. </em>He texted Iroh. <em>He’s okay.</em></p>
<p>≠</p>
<p>Zuko was sitting cross-legged at the edge of the duck pond. He’d been sitting there long enough that he felt it, but it didn’t feel like enough time. He ran a hand through the water gently. The panic he’d been feeling had mostly subsided by this point, leaving him with a dull buzz at the back of his head and a heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach.</p>
<p>He watched as a duck swam a few feet away from him. Light from the lamp post illuminating it. The duck paused, floating in the water, looking at Zuko. He feigned a smile and waved, “Hello, Zuko here.” The duck didn’t respond, it just kept looking at him.</p>
<p>“Pretty nice night, huh?” This time the duck quacked. The smile came easier to him this time. “Have you ever had a panic attack? Probably not… I mean, you’re a duck. But who am I to determine the complexity of a duck’s emotional understanding?” The duck quacked again. “Do you ever feel like… like sometimes the world would be better off if you just hadn’t been born? Maybe it’s not the world that would be better, I mean if you think about it, we’re pretty insignificant. No one would miss one person, or one duck, right?” This time it quacked twice, moving towards him a little more.</p>
<p>“Maybe you’re right. I do have people that care about me. But I don’t deserve their love… They really would be better off without me dragging them down.” He took a deep breath; the heavy feeling was slowly dissipating as he focused on talking to his new friend. “It’s just… I’ve been through so much and because of my past, I put the people I care about through a lot of,” he paused briefly, searching for the right word, “stress.”</p>
<p>The duck quacked again and Zuko’s eyes widened. “Well shit, pardon my language ducky, I can’t believe how stupid I am! My uncle is probably worried sick about me right now!” Zuko felt a pang of guilt hit him, making him feel nauseous again. “I didn’t think—I wasn’t thinking. I just… I lost control. I don’t know. I got a call from my dad; he and I don’t exactly have the best history. He’s the one who did this to my face…” He gestured to his scar and the duck quacked.</p>
<p>“Yeah… I have no idea how he got my number and it just freaked me out. I came here after tha—” He thought he heard someone yell his name, but he didn’t see anyone around. “I thought I just heard someone call my—” There it was again, this time louder. It was definitely his name. Panic started to rise in him.</p>
<p>He heard it again, clear enough to hear what they were saying, “Zuko! The fuck are you bro?”</p>
<p>The panic dwindled at the sound of her voice. <em>Toph.</em> “Uh… Toph?”</p>
<p>“Zuko?” She yelled as she stepped into the light on the path, her white cane swinging side to side in front of her.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m over here. Just, uh… Just follow my voice.”</p>
<p>She made her way over to him, reaching her hand out to find his body. She accidently hit him in the face and he groaned. “Ah, there you are,” she said loudly, sitting down beside him, hand on his shoulder for support. Once she sat she pulled her arm away and punched him in the middle of his left bicep.</p>
<p>“Ow! Why?” He complained, rubbing his arm. He noticed that the duck was swimming away and he saddened.</p>
<p>“Because you’re an idiot! Do you know how many people are worried sick about you right now? Sokka sounded like he was about to cry when he called Suki.” <em>Fuck… I didn’t even think about how this would’ve affected Sokka. I’m really a horrible boyfriend.</em> He lowered his head. “Sokka said Iroh called him a bunch. Between the two of them, they sent out Mai and Ty Lee, Suki, Aang and Katara, and wonderful me of course. Speaking of, I should call your boyfriend to let him know you’re alive.”</p>
<p>After she got off the phone with Sokka, they sat there for a while. She decided to text the rest of the people looking for him to let them know he’s alright. They sat in silence for a while after that.</p>
<p>“So Sparky,” Toph finally said. “What happened?”</p>
<p>Zuko sighed, staring out at the water in front of him letting it all spill out of him. He talked about how he got a call from an unknown number while he was at work, and how the person who called him was his dad. How he hasn’t had any contact with him in at least 3 years now. He had changed his number and made sure his dad didn’t have it. But somehow, he still managed to find it. Toph knew some of his history with his dad, the bare bones of the burn story, but she didn’t know the extent of what happened that night. The things his father did to him because his mother wasn’t there anymore. It all just started spilling out of him. Tears were falling down his cheeks, but he kept going. It wasn’t like she could see them, see how ugly he looked right now—see how ugly he was in general. It was so easy to talk to her because he didn’t have to worry about her seeing him break down, he didn’t have to meet her eyes to only see pity looking back at him. He let it all out. All of the fear he’s been keeping inside.</p>
<p>By the time Sokka got there Zuko’s head was resting on Toph’s lap and she was stroking his hair. “Zuko!” Zuko’s body twitched so hard he thought he would fall into the water. Sokka came into his vision, grab his hand, and yank him up into a tight hug. “Thank god you’re okay!” Sokka exclaimed, kissing him.</p>
<p>“Yeah, look… I’m really sorry about all of this. I—”</p>
<p>“The idiot wasn’t thinking,” Toph interjected. Zuko glared at her. “Don’t give me that look.”</p>
<p>Zuko and Sokka’s eyes widened at that. They were so taken aback. “What—”</p>
<p>Toph burst out laughing, “Oh I wish I could see the looks on your dumb faces right now!” She rolled back clutching her gut as she laughed.</p>
<p>Zuko and Sokka both laughed, but there was still a weird tension hanging in the air. The pain, panic, and worry. The hurt. Zuko looked into Sokka’s eyes, but he only saw relief there. They hugged again, holding onto each other tightly.</p>
<p>Toph stood up, facing their general direction, and put a hand on her hip. “If either you or Snoozles there dares to say anything about what happened with me tonight, I will end your shit. Got that Sparky?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah got it.” Zuko gulped.</p>
<p>“Snoozles?” She demanded.</p>
<p>“I won’t tell anyone that you are a big softy,”—Toph punched Sokka on the arm— “Ow! Shit! Alright, I won’t tell anyone!”</p>
<p>“Good. Later losers. I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone now.” She left and Zuko heard her make a gagging sound.</p>
<p>“Damn, she’s scary for a little blind girl.” Sokka breathed.</p>
<p>Zuko chuckled, “Never underestimate someone for being little, blind, or a girl.”</p>
<p>Sokka put Zuko at arm’s length, staring into his eyes, “So what exactly happened tonight baby?”</p>
<p>Zuko melted a little at the sound of Sokka saying ‘baby.’ He sighed, “Alright. Sit down with me.” They sat down at the edge of the pond together, holding hands. Zuko’s head leaning on Sokka’s shoulder, Sokka’s head resting on Zuko’s head.</p>
<p>Zuko told him about the call. The fear he felt, the panic that seeped into his bones. He let himself talk through it all, finding comfort in Sokka’s hold. Sokka knew more about Zuko’s past than Toph had, but that didn’t stop Zuko from bringing it up. He needed the catharsis. Sokka listened, hearing everything Zuko said. He made Zuko feel safe. <em>I’m not good enough for him, he deserves better than me.</em> He let himself be held.<em> Why do I let myself hurt him?</em> A while after Zuko had let out what needed to be let out—<em>I should tell him—</em>they got up and headed back to Sokka’s place.</p>
<p>When they got there, Uncle Iroh was sitting in the living room talking to Aang and Katara. His face lit up when he saw Zuko, “Zuko!” He exclaimed, standing up and pulling Zuko into a tight hug. “I am so glad you are okay.”</p>
<p>“Uncle,” Zuko choked. “I’m so sor—”</p>
<p>Iroh shushed him, “No, it’s okay. I love you,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“I love you too uncle.”</p>
<p>Iroh held onto him for a moment longer before pulling away. “Alright, well I’m going to head home and make some tea before bed. You kids have a good night!”</p>
<p>“Bye Uncle Iroh!” Aang smiled.</p>
<p>“Have a good night Iroh, it was nice to see you.” Katara pulled him into a quick hug.</p>
<p>Iroh turned to Sokka and hugged him. Zuko saw Sokka nod and saw his lips move, but he couldn’t quite hear what they were saying to each other.</p>
<p>Iroh hugged Zuko one last time before leaving.</p>
<p>“I love that man,” Sokka sighed. Aang and Katara both nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>“Well!” Sokka said suddenly, clapping Zuko on the back. “It’s been quite the day, I’m beat. Night you two!” He grabbed Zuko’s hand and pulled him into the bedroom.</p>
<p>“Night,” Zuko managed before he was pulled in and the door was shut with the force of Sokka pushing him against it, lips on his.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>CW: Panic attacks, suicidal speech, mention of abuse.</p>
<p>As always, I never know when I will end up posting (I have no schedule, I cannot be confined by such laws as time). So far I have posted 3 chapters in one week though, so don't get used to that happening from here on out.. xD</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you liked my first installment! :D My tumblr is zuko-the-turtleduck</p><p>Kudos and comments welcome :) &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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